i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
