your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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