Apparently you make a good broom.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
