i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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