nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
