She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
