yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
