Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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