We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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