take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize