How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
