just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i dont even know how to be here
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
