I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
