i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
