i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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