That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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