none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
