if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I understand Curling. That high.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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