I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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