I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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