Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
