I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
