I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
