Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
