i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
