Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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