proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You left your phone here
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