What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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