i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
