Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
