I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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