we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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