i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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