Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
