I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
