You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
