end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
