Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
