I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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