that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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