so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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