I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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