Umm I'm too high to move.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
