Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize