Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Too much gin, very little bucket
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
