oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
