I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
nutella sex= disaster
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
