i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
time to smoke my breakfast
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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