Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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