my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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