God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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