she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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