we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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