i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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