No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
