just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
