i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
