dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
