I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
