So drunk its hurt
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
