I wish I only lived at night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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