After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
