A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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