this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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