Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hippo gnu deer
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
