my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think i have two assholes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
