Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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