She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize