eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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