last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
