Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize