Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i've created a new STD.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
