Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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