A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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