I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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