Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
